A Guest Post by Josh Berk *And a contest*

Hey Everyone, Zoe asked me to do a guest post on her blog a little while ago and I had the fancy idea that it could be a holiday post! This way Zoe and I can wish you dear readers a Happy Hannukah (or whatever that other holiday is some of you celebrate). And also this way we can give away this weird "Josh Berk Cool Jew" holiday ornament I have lying around the house. Read on for my ramblings and for the low-down on the contest. Happy Holidays
Being a Jew is pretty great. We have lots of good writers, comedians, and, yes, let's face it: we control the media and international finance. (Kidding! Sort of.) But alas, being a Jewish kid on Christmas is about much fun as, well, being a Jewish kid on Christmas. Our parents do their best, what with trips to the movies and take-out Chinese food. And yeah, yeah Hanukkah is pretty cool -- who wouldn't enjoy the eight nights of presents? Also cool is the fact that dreidel and menorah pretty much are parent-sanctioned gambling and playing with fire.

But alas, it all comes up a bit short, especially when you're a kid. You feel awkward every time someone says "Merry Christmas." You feel like you must somehow be naughty because Santa skips your house. And perhaps worst of all: You are forced to go to Christmas parties and take part in nativity plays at school. Sure, it beats going to class, and yes, there's one Hannukah song everyone sings off-key, but that only makes it worse somehow.

I have a particular fantastic memory of being in fourth grade or so and dressing up as an elf in a public school Christmas production. This involved wearing tights and a stupid hat. I love stupid hats as anyone can attest, but tights?! It was pretty embarrassing. No, I don't have a picture. Worse was that I had to sing "Silent Night." Some of the other songs, like "Jingle Bells" or "Frosty" could be passed off as "seasonal," but I was pretty sure "Silent Night" was all about Jesus (possibly it was that part where you say "Christ the Savior, is born" over and over again)... Also the line "round yon virgin" is pretty weird. I always imagined it was about a round virgin named Yon. Why are we singing about him? He can't help being a virgin. He didn't want to be named "Yon." Leave Yon alone.

Anyway, this is my favorite awkward Jew-on-Christmas memory, being dressed as an elf and belting out a song about Jesus. But to enter this contest you don't have to be a Jew! That's right: this is a contest! And I mean, a Jew will probably win, because we are the chosen people (and also that whole international conspiracy thing), but anyone can take a crack at it. Just share an embarrassing or horrid holiday experience from your childhood! We all have those, right? Right.

I'm sure no matter who you are you have a fun story about "accidentally" telling your aunt her gift sucked, or maybe your parents forgot to buy you a gift one year so your stocking was filled with stuff from the garage like a bunch of hammers and maybe a roll of half-used duct tape.

Winner will receive a "cool jew" Josh Berk holiday ornament for your tree. And everyone has an equal chance to win. Honest. We're going to use a random number generator to pick the prize, and really, even the Jews need a Berk-face "non-denominational holiday ornament," don't they? Happy Hanukkah! Merry Christmas!

(To win you must be 13 years or older. Open world-wide! Berk will mail the prize and he hates the post office so be patient. You've been warned.)

Contest will end Sunday December 20, 2009.
Open to US residents.